Old Clothes bring Joy!

I was able to comfortably wear my 14s. Yay. Hopefully this time I have left my 16s behind. Hope so because I gave them away! I felt beautiful today. First time in a long time. 

Boundaries

For over 30 years of my life I did not know what a boundary was. As a result, I gave myself to every lost puppy I met. Friends and boyfriends alike. I was always trying to "help" and only thought of how I could solve their problems. Make them better. The more unreasonable the demand the more I felt I had to meet that want. I thought they were needs at the time. Instead of feeling fulfilled, I often came away feeling despair because what I had done for them wasn't appreciated or reciprocated. 

God started showing me what boundaries were, but I just didn't get it. A good friend gave me a Townsend and Cloud book called "Boundaries" and I finally understood the concept but didn't know how to apply it. This has been a 10 year lesson for me. Slowly, I have developed healthy boundaries that protect my mental and physical health, my time, my friendships, and my daughter. 

God showed me in Nehemiah, how he had Nehemiah and Ezra rebuild the walls in Jerusalem to protect His people and to provide a safe place to cleanse the city. With the walls and gates in repair the people were able to control who and what they let into the city. 

My boundaries have ultimately lead to safe relationships, peace, and a healthy mind. A place where I can lose weight and become active. I keep healthy boundaries by being obedient to God and His Word. Praise God!

Time

It is funny how when you are busy it is so easy to push the important things aside. For Example: 

1) you have to start your day with God. I love to sit and read my Bible in 90 days plan through YouVersion. I started my day out so busy, I was running out of time. I was able to sit for 5 minutes though and read 2.5 chapters of 2 Chronicles God showed me His provision for His people who were obedient. It really helped refocus my mission for the day. Then at lunch, I was able to sit and in 5 minutes refocus again with a very good lesson in 2 more chapters of 2 Chronicles about what happens when I begin to think that I am the one who is running my life and take over. That was a total of 11 minutes of focused time with my Father. 

2) It was very easy to forget to drink my shakes today. But, to have the brain power and health to continue with being alert and mindful, it was important to stop every three hours to drink my shakes and also to drink my water. I had to plan and have my "food" available and stop to nourish my brain and body. 

Lessons learned. I have done it the other way before and all it got me was sick, dis-eased, and unable to function. 

5 pounds

I broke 220 this week! Down to 217. So happy. But even more than that my relationship with God is deeper this week. I am so in love with Him. I don't know that I have ever been able to say that before. I have always loved Him, but yesterday I fell in love with Him. He keeps revealing Himself in new ways every day. I really was frustrated yesterday with the demands that people's lack of planning put on me. For the first time in a long time, I had to walk away from work. Normally that would mean a 7-11 break with plenty of chips and sugar and maybe some ice cream. I found that I was stuck. I couldn't eat. I didn't quite know what to do. I ended up taking my lunch break, going home, and reading my Bible for almost an hour.  I prayed and read. And I saw how He took care of all of the needs of those who love Him. And He is unchanging. He is taking care of my every need. And He is always there. I so love my God. 

The Weigh In ... Tomorrow

I am really trying not to care so much about this... Not working so far. I am also tweaking things. Quit my one diet doctor pepper this week, no calories, but it has sodium. I also quit walking Palm Ave to see if it really changes the numbers on the scale. If it doesn't move this week, I am cutting out the "chicken broth" they let us have each day. It only has 14 calories per serving, but it also has sodium in it. Maybe the scale will move and I won't have to lose that. I would miss it. It has become a real treat in the evenings. 

Our Temple

I have really been searching out something in my Bible. I was reading 2 Kings and came across Hezekiah. Hezekiah was only one in a long line of kings in Israel. He was one of the few, however, that followed God. Over the years, every idol had been brought into Israel. There was even an altar to burn children. God had long told the Israelites that there were to be no other gods that they worshiped. God cleaned Israel out, the Israelites filled it back up with other gods. 

Hezekiah systematically went throughout the land and destroyed all other gods. Followed the True God and though it didn't remove the consequences of the past, God was with the Israelites through Hezekiah's lifetime. 

God showed me that the Israelites were a body. God cleansed the body of disease and no sooner had He cleaned it out then some king would start bringing the disease back in. When a king allowed God to rule the kingdom, while He did not remove the consequences of the past, he healed the present and the future. When God cleanses the body with His Son, through His Word, it is our responsibility to keep the body strong and flee from all evil. He gives us the means to do this, we need to choose to use the Word, Prayer, Fellowship, etc... to keep the body clean, sanctified for Him. 

Praise God!

Good day

It was a really good end to a really good week. Praise God for His Word. Rest day tomorrow :)

1 pound ... What???!!!

Yep. Couldn't believe it. I cut out all salt; walked Palm Ave at lunch or my block at home every day; drink my optifast every three hours all day. Drink 96oz of water on top of the optifast. And because I only weight once a week, I felt wonderful all week. I feel slimmer. I am energetic. I feel healthy. And the best thing, my relationship with God has never been stronger. And I almost let that one minute of looking at a scale (well, two scales, I weighed on both today, just to be sure) suck the joy out. 

This is worth it. 

where does my help come from?

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+121&version=NIV

Back on a Schedule

Throughout my life I have went through periods of chaos and periods of order. As I reflect, I am a much happier person when I am on a schedule.

Four years ago I found FlyLady.net.

My mom is an amazing homemaker and housekeeper. She also admits that she does not enjoy teaching. As I was growing up, rather than teach me how to clean, she did it. I went into the world not knowing where to start when I wanted to have a clean and orderly house. Some people must be born knowing how to do this, I was not.

I went through years of frustration trying to live up to my image of my mom. House sparkling, meals done and on the set table. Groceries always there. I worked full time, sometimes two jobs, sometimes college. I had two young sons at one time and later a young daughter to take care of a long with working. I learned to accept what I could do and not compare every little thing to my mom.

FlyLady.net provides a cleaning calendar that makes life manageable. I am able to systematically clean my entire house every month and still have Saturdays and Sundays for God and family.

My sink is shined! I am ready for tomorrow with clothes laid out and everything in my bag, ready to go out the door. I pray that God blesses the ladies behind FlyLady. I know my life is better for having found them.

mo·ti·va·tion noun \ˌmōt-ə-ˈvā-shən\

Factors within a human being or animal that arouse and direct goal-oriented behaviour. Motivation has long been a central subject of study in psychology. - http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/motivation

Apparently, I am not the only one who wants to know the basis of motivation. I have to go to what I know to begin.
What are the factors within me that are driving me toward health?

1. Decreased function of my organs, dependence on machines or people for my basic care needs. This could occur because of the autoimmune disease that I struggle with. Becoming active & a healthy weight will decrease the chances of organ failure significantly.
2. The strange desire within me to run a marathon or compete as a triathlete. As a non-runner, this seems impossible, but All things are possible with my God if it is according to His purpose. I believe that it directly correlates with His purpose. This is a strong belief of mine with no base in fact. It is not against God or His Word so I will keep believing and striving for this until otherwise advised.
3. I believe I am called to be a missionary in Ukraine or Russia. I think I am headed to Kiev, but I will go were I am sent. I have put considerable effort and finance toward this goal by learning Russian. It makes no sense to continue in my path towards disease if I really believe that God has called me to go.
4. I would, at some point, like to be in a healthy relationship. I want to be at my best if this were to happen. I want to be at the best possible health, mentally, physically, and spiritually. A whole person loving another whole person. 

This is the first time I have seen my motives all together. My goal is clearer and I am strengthened. Praise God!!

What is the issue?

So, I quit eating extra salt after Thursday's weigh in. Not too hard. I am wondering why I can't get over the crazy desire for food. My body should be in ketosis, and I am getting better nutrition than I have had in a while. I still am craving random things to the point of anxiety. There is something psychological going on here. I pray that God shows me what it is. 

I have been taking my 10 minute walk every day. That is a plus. I am actually wanting to which also is wonderful. 

Good week, hard numbers

I was really determined that this was not going to be about the numbers on the scale, but about how I feel. I couldn't help but be disappointed about the 2.5 pound weight loss this last week. I know that the "average" for the past few weeks is over 6 pounds per week. I know the first two weeks had water loss also. I really need to figure out why I get so disappointed though...

Amazing

God is so GOOD. I have never seen my youngest grandchild. He is about a year old and looks just like his dad did. The last time I saw my oldest grandson, he was just walking.

Out of the blue, I received an email from my ex-husband, Rob asking me if he could buy me a plane ticket to Georgia to visit my grandkids for my birthday. He wanted to fly me out over my birthday.
Unfortunately, the school had decided this year to have everyone go on vacation at once, and that started today. I was not able to take July 31 - August 5 off of work. I was bummed, but honored and extremely joyful that God had provided something that I had so desperately wanted, but had told no one. Rob said then that he would send me out over Christmas break.

Steven just called from Georgia with the boys. Amy is pregnant with my third grandchild and the baby is due at the end of December. That is how GOOD my God is.

My God is Great!

Praise God. He meets the desires of my heart. He loves me. He is Good and always wants the best for me. He is always on my side, whether I am aware or not. He is my Father. He is my Friend. He is Awesome, Fearful, and Mighty. My heart shouts out His Praise. There is nothing about me He doesn't know. There is no corner in my heart that he doesn't see. 

My First BBQ

I was a little nervous about this day all week. Pat had asked me to Glorietta Bay to watch fireworks a week or so ago. I am mainly living in a bubble here at my house because Kai isn't here and I don't have to deal with food. It was actually so much easier than I thought it would be. Nothing looked so good that it was worth how good I am feeling. Amazing. Praise God. 

My Exceeding Great Reward

In Genesis 15:1 God is speaking to Abram after he has refused riches from neighboring leaders:

After these things the word of the LORD came unto Abram in a vision, saying, Fear not, Abram: I am thy shield, and thy exceeding great reward

For most of my life, the verse that has really defined me has been Jeremiah 29:11:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

 

That verse has really defined my life as a Christian. That is the Word that embodies hope and really was the driving force in my support of Rob in starting the Celebrate Recovery ministry at Ocean View Church. I felt God's call on my life so strongly that it confirmed my previous belief that God had claimed my life. I will never forget when Mindy Turner came and gave me a verse:

 

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;

 

These are the verses through which I attempted to filter all that I did. From full time ministry as Pastor's secretary to administrative assistant, cheerleader, and Prayer warrior for Celebrate Recovery. I was very busy but I was full of the Holy Spirit and overflowing on all that was around me.

 

There were issues, which became glaringly apparent with the implosion of my marriage and my rocky mental state. Rob left at 9:00pm on September 30th to start a new life across the country. It has taken the past 2 1/2 years to understand who I was as an individual, as a mother, as a friend. My life had ALWAYS been defined by who I was when I was with someone else. 

 

My lifelong battle with addictive behaviors has really ruled over me. Last night, while sitting in an Optifast meeting, God declared himself to me, "I am thy shield, and thy exceeding great reward." Food is NOT my reward. The praise of man is NOT my reward. I have yet to even have the tiniest inkling of what this will really mean as each day comes, but I am content, and excited by the hope for the future.

Weigh In day

I lost 8 pounds. Down to 225.  

So happy. Feeling good. But so tired. I have a lot to share tomorrow though. Praise The Lord. He is my reward. 

Unbelievable

The weight is definitely coming off. I will be happy to see how much tomorrow. 

I am stuck. I have made food a reward for so many things and I have no answer for that. I found myself driving out of work this evening thinking - "wow! Long day, guess I can get a treat for tonight."

So sad. I am losing this weight. And my brain can't go along with the new program. I actually have been kind of depressed about this over the past few days. How to retrain a lifetime of bad training????